


Bittersweet

by ClockworkUtopia (unluckyicon)



Series: Tokyo Ghoul Relationships [2]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst and More Angst, Canon Compliant, F/M, Hide's a flirt lol, I'm terrible at tagging, Kaneki and Touka's relationship, Maybe - Freeform, Relationship-centric, along with some headcanons maybe, hints of TouKen, manga compliant, my tags are kinda deceitful by the way, spoilers for tg:re, there's a lot of canon scene mentions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-23
Updated: 2015-09-23
Packaged: 2018-04-23 01:38:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4858268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unluckyicon/pseuds/ClockworkUtopia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A look into Kaneki Ken and Kirishima Touka's relationship over time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bittersweet

**Author's Note:**

> I need to apologise because it's basically 1564 words of me rambling on about their relationship and I cross-referred to a lot of specific parts of the manga haha. Also it's not beta-read because I'm a terrible author like that..... I'll probably get to it another day and properly edit through it like oMG is this really my writing????
> 
> Also I'm amazed because I haven't written what I count as "so much" in so long that's not ....stories for my school work like wow.

When he first meets her, he doesn’t form much of an impression of the waitress at his favourite coffee shop beside a murmured agreement to Hide’s statement that she’s cute and barely concealed snickers at his best friend’s bold (but failed) attempts at hitting on her. 

The next time he meets her is after the accident. He’s still not quite taken in the idea that he’s become a ghoul- what he grew up being taught by society as being an abomination- an inhumane monster that has no feelings aside and devours the flesh of his kind. Or what used to be his kind, Kaneki’s not too sure anymore. He still feels and thinks like a human, of course- he hasn’t turned into an unfeeling, heartless human-devouring monster overnight, unlike what the myths like to depict about ghouls. But his body rejects the very idea, as could be seen by the same way it rejects human food and instead causes him to almost go berserk with another kind of craving. The craving of warm, coppery liquid sliding down his throat and tearing through supple flesh of limbs. It frightens the barely past adolescent boy to the core at this realisation when he finds himself in the alley of an abandoned street, salivating over a corpse that was just alive, having harrassed a girl- _her_.

Needless to say, he doesn’t expect to find out that the cute waitress from his favourite café is also a ghoul. After all, before the accident, he has never thought it possible to meet a ghoul in his life. He almost thinks of it as a dream, albeit an unpleasant one. She quickly helps him wake up to reality, quite literally by first slicing off the top of the man’s head and then proceeding to offer Kaneki the newly dead man’s arm. It sinks in even more when she asks him why isn’t he dead. He can only run away in horror at the sight he has just witnessed. And in horror of his body’s reaction to the sight- it is an ultimate act of betrayal to his mind. He had just thought of eating it.

One more encounter- this time initiated by him, and he learns that the girl is called Touka. She hates him on sight. Or rather, hates him upon hearing his grovelling for help. That his life’s been terrible since the accident. She’s envious of the body he used to take for granted. That he was born human while she was born a ghoul and it made all the difference in society’s perception of her and her true identity that she was forced to hide for fear of being hunted down by the CCG (or, as he learned later on, what the ghouls called ‘Doves’). Of his ability to once taste human-made food, although that’s now gone too- while she is destined to never do so. She wants to deny helping him. Almost does so too, if not for the intervention of her manager. 

Few more encounters later and Kaneki’s now working in Anteiku. The beloved café that he used to visit often just to see his crush. The one that had been nothing she seemed to be. The ghoul that seeked a date with him just to prey on him. Touka hates his guts now. It’s understandable though, considering what he has said in the past to her. That he’s different from a ‘monster’ like her. It’s only what society has taught him to say. But he regrets it the moment it leaves his mouth. Regrets that this is what he’s been ingrained with, even with the shop manager’s kindness and willingness to take him in- and Touka helping him to save Hide’s life and snapping him out of his berserk mode when overtaken by hunger. He had almost nearly killed Hide then, after heavily wounding Nishiki. He’s not sure what he would’ve done if he did end up killing his best friend. He wants to apologize to her for those hurtful comments he made. He doesn’t find a suitable time for it though.

 

More time passes by. Kaneki starts picking up learning how to fight from Yomo-san with Touka as his sparring partner. Her disdain for him starts to lessen with time. She grudgingly begins to get along with him, though occasionally still maintaining her snark and jabs at him with insults. Kaneki just smiles through it all, laughing it away. He knows this is how the younger girl shows her affection. The insults and complaints hold no bite in them, unlike when he first began as her co-worker.

 

Few more incidents here and there and Kaneki can almost begin to liken Touka to the knight in shining armour to his damsel in distress role. It’s almost pathetic, really- but Touka comes to his rescue much more than he’d like to admit it, like during the fiasco with Tsukiyama. Hide likes to often tease Kaneki by calling him a romantic sap but Kaneki thinks this takes it to a whole new level. He resolves never to tell anyone about his idea that Touka is like his knight in shining armour. The blow to his pride, albeit little, would never heal from this admission.

 

The boiling anger that he feels when he sees her on the rooftop, being thrown across by her younger brother, surprises him. The anger thrums underneath his skin, indignation at how her younger brother could even dare to hurt his sister fuelling his actions as he catches her in his arms easily. She’s as light as a feather to him, as cliché as that sounds. He looks down to her, simultaneously apologetic at what she’s gone through because of him- having to fight her younger brother who is in the group responsible for his abduction and for what he’s about to do to her younger brother next. He apologizes, for that seems to be the only thing he can do nowadays. Apologies to himself for not being strong enough to fight against Yamori’s torture for days. Apologies to his mum for disobeying what she had always told him- it’s better to be hurt than to hurt. Apologies to the kid and his mother that he had caused the deaths of just because he was too indecisive to decide. Or to be strong enough to stop Yamori from killing them.

And then, he resolves to break Kirishima Ayato’s bones. To make him pay for what Touka had to go through. Half dead. 103 bones. 

**Crack, crack, crack.**

Just like how his relationship with her begins to crack and only goes downhill from then onwards.

 

He runs away after this. Runs away from Anteiku, resolving to not go back because it seems that all he does is bring pain and hurt the people around him. He doesn’t go back because he needs to get stronger so he can protect them. Staying at Anteiku would unfortunately not help because it means going back to the tranquil, idyllic days he has begun to enjoy there. It means he won’t be able to get stronger, to be able to protect his precious friends from danger. And so, he runs away from Anteiku. From her. Straight into the arms of danger and blood and so much _much_ gore. He wrecks havoc upon any ghoul brave enough to go against him, creating a name for himself in the ghoul society just so they would never dare to encroach on Anteiku. Not that it actually needs much protecting, honestly- the staff were made up of strong ghouls capable of holding their own. But Kaneki just had this idea in his head that if he was stronger- more capable of protecting them, they would never even need to lift a finger up to fight. Ultimately, he is wrong. They wind up having to fight, anyway. And losing, but he’s no longer there to see it or try to stop it.

He doesn’t see her for awhile, after that encounter at the roof top of Aogiri’s hide out. The next time he sees her, it’s on a bridge. She punches him. Tells him that his idea of ‘protecting’ people is messed up and that he just fears being alone. That he should never come back to Anteiku, even if it’s the exact opposite of what she actually wants. And then, she leaves. It is the last encounter they will have until years later.

 

The next time she sees him, he doesn’t remember her anymore. He’s another person altogether, quite literally. It’s not like the way that he had changed previously, years ago where he forced himself to become strong just so that he could protect the friends he loved even if he was actually weak inside. The haven, Anteiku, that he loved. No, he no longer remembers anything from the past he used to share with her. He’s now called Sasaki Haise, an investigator from the CCG- a Dove. The very being that hunts her kind down. He cries upon taking a sip from the cup of coffee he ordered. It’s a nostalgic taste- one from memories that his mind doesn’t remember anymore. She can only smile sadly in response, offering him a handkerchief to wipe his tears. The sight is a hint of melancholy and leaves a bittersweet feeling. Perhaps he will be better off not remembering his past, she decides.


End file.
